applesaucedream | Surprise: not dead yet [closed]

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Surprise: not dead yet [closed]

The past week has been more than a little intense for Topher.

After Gabriel stabbed him, he missed out on what happened next. Thankfully for him, he recieved immediate medical help, which was more than a little occupying. Of course, he'd tried to warn people of what he thought Gabe was going to do, but it didn't do much use, from what he gathered. He doesn't even know the details of what happened, as no one seemed to care much about keeping him in the loop, but Gabe seemed to have accomplished what he wanted, and caused more than a little trouble before he escaped. Not to mention quite a few deaths.

And then the moment he's out of intensive care, Topher's moved to a cell. Sure, he still recieves necessary medical care, but he knows for a fact they have at least one healer working for the corporation, yet they don't seem to want to make it that easy for him. He gets suspended while they investigate how much liability he has for what happened. Whether he might even have intended to help Gabe, until he turned on him. Who knows how long they plan to keep him locked up.

What's worst isn't actually the wound, though. He's on painkillers, but unfortunately not enough to leave him unconscious. Now, Topher is pretty used to a life of perpetual conciousness at this point. What makes it so bad is the cell he's kept in, which blocks any form of telepathy or visits to the dreaming. Or, in fact, any contact with the outside world. He's stuck in this little room, and he can't even sleep like he used to before falling through the rift. Awake or asleep, there's not much difference. Either way, he's sitting on his own in an empty room with nothing to distract him from the guilt or the worry or the loneliness.

Guilt over at least two deaths, probably several more, which Topher couldn't quite manage not feeling responsible for, no matter how he told himself that it was Gabe's vendetta. Perhaps if he'd gotten Gabe out more quickly... Perhaps if he'd dealt with the aftermath better. Surely this could've been avoided. But most of him just feels angry and betrayed by the angel. Even so, even if there was no way to stop Gabriel from wanting revenge, Topher could've made it harder for him. What if he'd kept his cool and simply lied to him? Sent him right into the clutches of some guards? These sort of thoughts are the only thing keeping him company the next few days.

Then there's the worry and loneliness. What will Gabe have told the TARDIS about Topher? He's not dead, but he's not around to defend himself either. Perhaps his last ally is gone, not to mention his last friend. If the TARDIS is convinced Topher's the bad one, then surely so will anyone involved with her, as well as with Romac, which includes the Doctor, and Andrew, Ianto, Cecil, probably most of the city. And the rest will hold his involvement with Romac in the first place against him. It would be difficult to make him feel any more alone.

So when Beatrice provides him with a way out, he doesn't argue. Well, he actually couldn't anyway. She apparently got someone on the inside, who gives Topher some drugs that make him appear dead and which have the advantage of actually knocking him out properly. When he wakes up, he's in a different cell, and he's given a choice which isn't really much of a choice. Work for her and they'll protect him, or they cast him back to the wolves. He reluctantly agrees.

After that they fill him on what went down after Gabriel escaped. It doesn't exactly relieve him of his worry, but all things considered, things could've gone a lot worse. It was contained to Romac, at least, who really did bring it on themselves. Topher doesn't mind them being crippled a bit. He could've done without over a dozen deaths, though.

And then finally, finally he's allowed to resume contact with the outside world. He can't leave his bed, but he can visit the dreaming again. Part of him is almost too worried to reach out to anyone. Perhaps he'll just fade into obscurity, keep to the shadows, and survive that way. At least then it's unlikely Gabe will come after him again. Topher is neither a vigilante nor obsessed with revenge. He'd rather just stay as far away as possible.

But the TARDIS... He can't stand not knowing what she thinks of him. So he finally looks for her presence in the dreaming.

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Ever since her horrifying argument with Gabriel and the loss of his companionship, the TARDIS has lost her taste for communicating with anyone besides the Doctor. She hasn't used her physical form for almost a week and responds to anyone who might try to speak to her with silence. That had been good enough for her before she had a body; just her and the Doctor, like it always was. Only, she can tell he misses having her face to talk to despite their telepathic bond, and he isn't enough, not this version of him. But she stubbornly ignores all that just so the prattling of others can't remind her that the only one besides the Doctor who is capable of understanding and being close to her chose to abandon her for his self-righteousness.

Even so, the wrongness of this universe and the isolation of her own mind soon become too much to bear without any distractions, so she reaches out for the telepathic current more often. She doesn't try to communicate with anyone there either, just lets the dreaming minds hum against hers or peeks into a dream here and there. It's hardly enough, but it's better than nothing.

When she feels Topher's familiar presence close by one day, she's stunned for a moment. It's unmistakably him, even though that should be impossible. Still quite shocked, she rushes forward and projects herself into his dreamscape, looking as disbelieving as she feels. "Topher?"

His dreamscape this time is much like he was last time they met up in here, in that he hasn't actually made anything, though at least it's not as far this time, mostly just foggy.

When he finds the TARDIS and she joins him, Topher's mind floods with a mix of relief and extreme nervousness about what will happen next. He has no idea what Gabriel's told her, if anything, though judging by her surprise, Topher guesses she got the memo that stuff went down.

He himself looks just like he does in waking world at the moment. Tired, timid, wearing hospital pyjamas, with a slowly healing cut across his throat, and bandages covering the wound in his side, though at least that much is hidden by the jammies. Not exactly a very dignified or inspiring sight.

"Hi," he greets her eloquently. And he didn't really plan anything beyond that. But it's rather amazing to see a familiar (friendly) face, and mostly he just wants a hug or something.

Sadly, hugs aren't really in the TARDIS' repertoire as far as first reactions go, so she just continues to stare at him for a bit. Though she's examining his mind more closely, taking note of his anxiety and weariness with some concern. But he doesn't feel temporally misplaced like in that one dream, which is the most important thing. It means he's really still alive, and her own relief begins to trickle into the dreamscape as well.

"I thought you were dead," she tells him bluntly, still surprised and confused. "Gabriel--," her mouth forms a thin line against her anger at the thought, and she can't keep the feeling to herself entirely, like the distant roll of thunder. "He told me he had killed you. What happened?"

He didn't actually expect a hug, so it's not a surprise. But the fact that his survival isn't common knowledge is. Although it makes sense, actually. Give Romac the freedom to do whatever they want with him, if they could pin it on Gabriel. Would also stop people from looking for him. Cheerful thought, right there.

"...He tried to kill me," Topher answers with a nervous nod. "I don't really want to talk about it." He can feel her relief, but he can also feel her anger, which isn't overly comforting, as he's not entirely sure who it's directed at. Perhaps she's merely relieved Gabriel hasn't killed him after all but still angry at him for.. well, who knows what Gabriel's said.

"But... I could show you," he adds after a moment, reaching up to touch his throat. Might be easier. No need to find the words, he'll just have to relive it. Not like he hasn't been doing that all the time anyway. And that way, she can make up her own mind about what happened.

She hasn't missed the wound at his throat, and it only fuels her anger to think Gabriel did that to him. But she's very glad that he wasn't successful in his revenge and, after noticing Topher's vague uncertainty, makes sure to share the feeling with him.

His offer comes as a surprise, since humans normally dislike having their thoughts and memories witnessed. A part of her doesn't actually want to see just what Gabriel did, trepidation rising in her. Hearing him talk about it so self-assuredly was painful and disturbing enough. But she needs to know what happened, so she nods, reluctantly. "Please do."

Topher smiles weakly at her sharing her relief, reflecting it back at her. It makes him feel a lot safer about sharing with her. And, well, it's not like he has anything to hide. Surely Gabriel must've filled her in on what he found out about Topher's past, to justify his (attempted) murder and all, and he probably did a lot less sympathetically than if it came straight from Topher himself. And... he doesn't want to carry it alone.

"This.. won't be fun," he warns, even if that much should be obvious. He doesn't filter it for her, or make it so they view it from outside. He doubts he'd have the strength to construct it that way, and it's not like he could give an objective account anyway. She sees it through his eyes, his mind. Their casual conversation when Gabriel first arrived is fuzzy, as is events after he leaves, but everything in between stands out in stark contrast, every word clearly recollected.

He does, however, try to soften it. The emotions are all there and rather obvious, but he doesn't want her to experience the pain or terror he did, so he tries to wrap it up in cotton as best his can. The fear and feeling of betrayal when Gabriel suddenly made his intentions clear. The struggle, defiance, anger, desperation. The terrible pain, the urgency. Then confusion, worry. He rather loses his grip on it all when it reaches the soul-crushing isolation of his cell though. It's a bit too recent and present for him to contain.

When the memories fade again, just as he's waking up after being retrieved, they're back in the foggy void, only now Topher is sitting, legs pulled up and arms wrapped around them.

This is quite different from how she usually accesses human memories, more ordered and sequential, and far more intense as they're being recalled all around her. The first thing she can make out somewhat clearly is Gabriel mentioning that they had made up, and she feels a sharp pang of grief at the thought of that day. But she doesn't get a chance to dwell on it, the memory shifting quickly to Gabriel's betrayal, and then it becomes horrifically clear that he had started out hurting Topher not even because he'd thought him 'deserving' of it, but solely to get information for his revenge on Romac.

And it only gets worse from there. Though she'd known Gabriel must have read Topher's mind to be so sure of his past crimes and his intentions, the brutal mental invasion is still disturbing to watch, and she feels ill at the remembered pain of it. She isn't happy to see just what Topher used to do in his own universe, and to get confirmation that he had lied to her about the severity of it, but it's easily outdone by her disgust at Gabriel's cruelty. Humans have a staggering capacity for causing each other harm, but beings like her and Gabriel should know better, should be better than that.

That thought is effectively crushed by seeing the angel's utter glee at getting to torture Topher, getting to inflict such terror and pain. This isn't a soldier grimly executing orders or struggling to cling to his convictions out of desperation and a lack of guidance. She'd been so sympathetic with him when she thought that's why he was doing this, but he is enjoying it, and she's shaking with revulsion. She almost can't feel any worse when she hears her own name, Topher warning him that she couldn't forgive this, and yet Gabriel used her as just another justification. He never really understood her at all.

The rest she witnesses in shock and disgust, winces at the memory of the knife, stares at the blood-tainted sight of the angel casually disposing of the guards, shares in Topher's despair and isolation. When it's over she's pale and trembling slightly, and very very still for a long moment. Then she pulls herself together somewhat, blinking away tears as she tries to focus on Topher instead of her own horror and devastation. She takes a step forward and sinks to her knees beside him, wearily resting an arm around his shoulder, but she has no words to give him quite yet.

Edited 2013-11-17 11:52 (UTC)

Topher flinches when she first touches her, but then leans into it, reminding himself that it was nearly a week ago, that she's not here to hurt him. Her presence is a comfort, particularly after so long of not connecting with anyone's minds.

"Sorry," he says after a moment, though it's not entirely clear what he's apologising for. He doesn't want to cause her this pain. He doesn't want her having to know these things about her friend. Or perhaps ex friend.

Then, "Don't tell him I'm alive." Topher assumes Gabe will find out eventually, but preferably as long as possible from now.

The TARDIS leans into the contact too, but it's more an expression of a kind of emotional exhaustion that she feels, than because she could derive any comfort from it. This is part of why she'd withdrawn into herself recently, to avoid the emotional turmoil that spending so much time with linear beings frequently brings. Not that this coping strategy has been all that successful; without the Web of Time for her to focus on instead, it has only increased her loneliness.

She takes a moment to react to Topher's request, not having considered any course of action at all yet. But now that she's thinking about it, her anger returns, only held at bay for the boy's sake. "He should know that you are under my protection," she argues grimly. "I could tell him to stay away from you."

"Didn't exactly stop him before," Topher replies bitterly, then immediately feels guilty. It's hardly the TARDIS's fault. "I mean, I'm not positive he'd listen."

He sighs, biting his lip for a moment. "And... can you really protect me? Avenge me, probably, but... I can't just hide with you. In you." It's not that he isn't grateful! He's very glad of her support. He's just.. a bit skeptical of how it would work.

Edited 2013-11-18 20:18 (UTC)

Being reminded of how sure Gabriel was that she would approve of killing Topher brings back feelings of hurt and betrayal, and it's intensely frustrating to consider just how little she can really do for Topher. Can't he just hide in her? At least then he'd be safe.

"He was mistaken about my feelings on the matter before," she replies rather forcefully. "I would leave no room for misinterpretation." But she has to admit that no, she can't keep Topher safe while he's away from her, except in the dreaming, and there is every chance Gabriel would ignore the warning a second time. Still, it has to be better than nothing. "Are you protected now? What happens if he finds you alive without any deterrence at all?"

"Right, that..." Topher answers awkwardly. "Well, Romac sort of.. Suspended slash fired me and locked me up." Which would explain the days of isolation she got a taste of in his memories.

"And then a.. third party busted me out. Now I have the choice of working for them in exchange for their protection, or.. moving permanently in with you, I suppose, but given every major player in the city is looking to get their hands on me, and I'm not sure aforementioned third party would be very happy if I declined, I could probably never go outside. So it's not much of a choice."

Briefly she has the urge to argue that he wouldn't need to go outside, that she'd provide him with everything he might want, as long as she gets to keep someone she cares about safe for once. Her concern over Ianto's disappearance is certainly not helping with that compulsion.

But she quickly reminds herself that's not how it works, humans need human contact and familiar things and day-night cycles. And hearing how badly he's been treated finally causes her to focus less on her own feelings and more on his. She makes an effort to convey a sense of comfort, which manifests in grass sprouting from the indistinct ground, and does her best to sound less agitated when she speaks, though she can't hide her tension. "Are they capable of protecting you from Gabriel?"

To be fair, the TARDIS is decently familiar at this point, as much as anything in this universe, and she could probably arrange the whole day-night cycles thing. It's just the whole human contact that would be trickier. Although he would get some in the dreaming, probably. And being inside her would make him decently safe from telepathic attacks, probably.

He smiles when the grass sprouts beneath him. It reminds him that he can do that too, they don't need to sit here in this empty gloom. Not that he's inspired enough to make a whole setting, but the fog seems to lift a bit above them, the sun breaking through, and he continues what she started by pushing up more grass. That's a bit more comforting.

"I think so," he answers with a brief nod, letting go of his legs and switching to a cross-legged position, trying to let go of some of his own tension, now he has her company. "But.. they might not protect me from themselves. I mean, they might not.. respect my privacy, in regards to certain knowledge I have," he says, and gives her a significant look.

She really isn't very good with significant looks, so he'll need to be a bit more specific, here. He has all kinds of potentially dangerous knowledge, on the rift, on her and the Doctor, on his neuroscience. Not that it really matters what exactly he was referring to.

"You mean, you are in danger of them, too, and all your knowledge along with you," she points out, worried and frustrated. How is this preferable to living with her?

"Danger might be stretching it," he answers, making a face. He doesn't think they're the kind of people who would off him if he stopped being useful. They are however probably the kind who'd off him if he tried to swap sides. Who knows?

"But.. I can't guarantee the won't try to extract information. Maybe about you. So... is there a way to perhaps.. remove that information?" he asks. He doesn't even want to be an imposition to her, so he definitely doesn't want to be a danger to her. As much as he loves helping to improve her systems.

That option wouldn't have occurred to her, and she's shocked for a moment at how drastic it is. "You want to... forget about me?" She sounds mostly just surprised, but she can't quite hide a trace of rather selfish hurt. Of course she will do whatever she can to help keep him safe, but she doesn't want to lose another friend. And she doesn't want to lose his assistance, either. He's done good work on her, considering his human limitations, work that had made a difference to her well-being in this awful place.

"No!" Topher answers quickly. Even when Topher can't see her, it's a comfort to know he's got someone on his side out there, and he wouldn't want to forget that. Frankly, he'd prefer not to forget anything, really, but he has to weigh it against the chances of his memories being a danger to someone he cares about.

"I mean, I don't want to. But.. some of the specific things, your protections, how you use the rift as fuel.. Someone with the wrong intentions could easily use that against you."

That's a little better than what she'd thought he was suggesting, though she still hates that it seems necessary. "I know," she agrees glumly, and some of the grass around them turns a sickly yellow at the thought of how vulnerable and ineffectual she currently is.

After a silent moment, she reluctantly decides it's probably a reasonable measure to take, if he doesn't want to hide with her. It'll be safer for her and the Doctor, and hopefully it will make Topher a less attractive target too. "The Doctor's telepathy is more suited for such precise operations within a human mind than I am. But I could try, if you won't be able to visit us soon."

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Surprise: not dead yet [closed]

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