Tender Lumplings Everywhere, Life's No Fun Without A Good Scare [Open to All]

[applesaucemod]

The woods are dark and deep, but not particularly lovely. If anything, they feel dangerous, as if something terrible might come lurching out from behind any given tree and tear into the nearest warm body. What that terrible thing might be is anyone's guess. A cat with hands? Slenderman? Stegosaurus? Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf? All of the above in a horrible mob? It's anyone's guess. But every dreamer will be absolutely convinced that there is something unspeakable out there, and that it's after them.

The dreamers have two things on their side. The first is that there is actually nothing dangerous lurking in these woods (with the possible exception of other dreamers). The pervasive terror the dreamers are feeling is just that: a rift-given feeling, nothing more and nothing less. That snapping twig or rustle in the undergrowth is almost certainly just a squirrel or something else equally harmless.

The second is that no dreamer is alone. They all will be reunited with - or introduced to - their dæmons, a source of comfort in this dark, intimidating wilderness. However frightened the dreamers might be, at least they have someone with them who definitely doesn't want them dead.

[OOC: as ever, any and all are welcome! You don't have to be in the game to join the fun. Dreamers can remember or forget the events of the dream at the players' discretion. And the party only stops when you want it to; feel free to backtag forever.]

Comments

[julianbashir]

The rock is cool and rough under his fingers, and part of the wall are wet. He finds himself wondering if this is really a dream realm, or a real place, a real planet somewhere. Maybe he's even heard of it. Maybe somewhere, on the other side of this world, there are inhabitants somewhere. "Sounds exactly like something you wouldn't be eager to wake up for, I can see that, yes," Julian agrees. "I'd offer to help, but I suppose I'm not really here. And while I've had to fight some battles, I'm really much better at trying to fix. He sounds incredibly powerful and dangerous, but not giving up, that's worth something, even if it feels futile. Right?"

"Are you really?" Julian asks, interest plain in his voice. "A linguist? How wonderful!" he seems delighted. "I've always though we should have more linguists on the station, especially in our line of work, with all the trade and politics that happen. Our universal translators make us lazy. Sure, we can communicate almost immediately with any new race we come across, but languages can be so much more than just words, but so much more the culture. How many times I've insulted my friend because I've used the wrong hand-gesture or the translator missed a certain tone...and it is useless at metaphors and colloquialisms" he laughs. "And then, something will go wrong with the translator or radiation knocks everything out, and then where are we? Unable to even talk to half the crew! Though it comes in handy medically. Having an unknown bein being able to explain their physiology can certainly save time and lives."

[peacefulexplorer]

'Not giving up' is practically Daniel's motto, even if he happens to be dead at the time. Especially if he happens to be dead in fact, as things like that just tend to up the man's resolve.

"Less useful than you'd think, actually," he sighs, mildly mournful, and leans his head back to rest of the uncomfortably ridged cave wall. "Especially now. There aren't really any ancient texts leaping out to be translated in Manhattan, and the Devil's hardly going to run from a garbled line of Latin."

The 'universe translators' sound pretty nice, actually, but the mention of new races, discovery, everything Daniel used to do just prick him with an odd sense of nostalgia, even if it can't have been much more than a week since he landed in Manhattan.

[julianbashir]

Julian winces, and bends down near Daniel. He keeps forgetting that while for himself this is all just part of a dream, but for Daniel (whether Daniel is real or not, his feelings seem perfectly real), this mess is related to his every day life, trapped in some world that is not his own. He can't read Daniel's thoughts, but senses, perhaps, his feelings. "Sorry," he says, kindly this time. "You don't know me very well yet, but I'll let you know that I am actually quite a bit of an ass."

Julian sits again. His restlessness isn't putting Agamede any more at ease, and it certainly isn't helping him either. "There's nothing quite as infuriating as feeling less than useful and being in the unknown. I know what it's like to be trapped somewhere far away from your home with uncertainty about whether you'll ever get back. Not like... you're describing exactly, but I can empathize. You must miss your home world very much. But hearing you talk, you sound like you have more background skills than just translating ancient texts." He gives Daniel a smile. A linguist he may be, but for someone who seems to travel worlds and fight evil aliens, he believes Daniel is more helpful than he imagines. "Plus, don't underestimate garbled Latin. You never know what could hold power, it is an unknown universe!"

[peacefulexplorer]

Julian's levity is welcome, and Aliyah takes the moment to butt her head against Daniel's shoulder by way of comfort.

"I've been trapped on other planets before," he offers, "but never, uh, not quite like this. There's no wormhole back, there's no ship to just - beam me out again. I'm stuck. Not much I can do with garbled Latin about that."

He returns the smile, though his is a shade more melancholic than he would like.

"Thank you," he says, and he means it. "And contrary to your subjective claim, there's nothing about you that I would classify as 'an ass'."

[julianbashir]

Julian tries to imagine it. He's been in some pretty dire situations before, crash landed in some dismal places, but almost every time there had either been at least a glimmer of hope for rescue, or at the very least he hadn't been alone when hope ran out.

"I know this is a bit far-fetched, but perhaps you'll run into someone from your own universe in the dream world," he says thoughtfully. "You said this happens from time to time, and I'm not in or part of the Rift. I'm still in my own and yet I'm here with you, as well." Julian isn't one for giving false hope, comforting words he doesn't believe, but while it might be unlikely, it isn't impossible. And if it isn't impossible, then Julian thinks hope is better than the alternatives.

Julian smiles and gives a quiet laugh. "Then you simply don't know me well enough yet, I'm afraid. Don't worry, I shan't disappoint you. And you're welcome."

[peacefulexplorer]

"Well, it helps that we're never really alone here." He indicates the entirety of the hypothetical dreamspace with flap of a hand. "I mean, you're here and that, well. That helps, assertions of alleged personality similarities to barn equus notwithstanding. And I've always got Aliyah."

He drops the hand to stroke at her. The repetition in the motion is soothing, if only mildly, and she makes a low rumbling in her chest in response. The chance of anyone he knows coming through the Rift, much less the versions specific to his universe, are astronomical in their unlikelihood, but Daniel's always been a subscriber to the more idealistic schools of thought, so he'll take it. God knows he needs it.

[julianbashir]

Julian can't help but smile, despite the seriousness of it all. At least "I'm here," Julian agrees, glancing around a 'here.' "Though I wouldn't have minded a dream that was a bit more welcoming."

His own daemon twists around his ankles and he scoops her up in his arms, holding her close. "Do you mean to say that you don't normally have Aliyah? It's a Dream side-effect, not a Rift reality? I figured that maybe it was connected. Certainly nothing like it in my universe. It's funny, she was the only thing about this entire Dream thing that I never questioned. I mean, I did wonder, but it makes a sort of sense, felt... right." he adds with a smile. "I have no scientific data to back that statement up, but I'm sticking to it."

[peacefulexplorer]

"I think she's, well. It's, ah, it's complicated." And completely unproven, but Daniel's never been much for empiricism. "I think she's an extension of myself, a, a physical manifestation of the completeness of my own self, just like Agamede is for you. She takes the shape that reflects you."

"Correct," Aliyah chimes in softly. He smiles and scratches the top of her head affectionately.

"It's not such a stretch to say that in a way you already know each other," he continues with a shrug.

"We've met," the snow leopard puts in with a swish of her tail, this time addressing Daniel moreso than Julian. "When you were Ascended."

[julianbashir]

"I could feel she was a part of me, somehow, but never really took the time to consider what that really meant. Not that this place really gave me a lot of time to contemplate the more abstract realities and complexities of the soul."

Julian leans his head against his chin. "So that's why you call me 'Jules,'" he says thoughtfully, this time more to the fox, who is obviously the quieter side of his personality that Julian often has trouble tapping into. "Not just because you really know me, but you are me."

"Ascended?" Julian asks, then quickly, "Sorry." It felt... rude to interrupt a conversation between another man and his other self.

[peacefulexplorer]

"Uh, yeah, that's...kind of a long story," he can't help but sound apologetic as he says it. "Abridged version? I died, um, again, and a race of aliens helped me, uh, achieve an understanding of a higher plane of existence. My consciousness, it," he makes an illustrative wave upward, "well, it Ascended, and left my body once it died. I don't remember much of what I experienced on that plane."

"You met me," Aliyah murmurs. "Not in exactly this shape, perhaps."

He acknowledges her with a final scratch behind the ears and glances back up at Julian. "See, she's just...a part of yourself, externalized in a physical shape. Well, as physical as it can get in dreams, anyway."

[julianbashir]

"It certainly all feels real enough, even in the physical sense," Julian muses, rubbing his wrist absent-mindedly. "I think this would all be quite a lot less terrifying if it didn't feel quite so real. Dreams are usually all fuzzy afterwords, where time doesn't make sense and things just around. Here, though it feels crisp and clear." He glances down at Agamede. "I could use you in the lab though. Beats talking off the ears of lab assistants." Agamede scoffs... or at least that's what it sounds like, you know, if foxes could scoff. "Talk? I already know what you're thinking anyway. What you mean is you would need me to keep you in line."

"Wow," Julian says, eyebrows high on his forehead after he listens to Daniel's explanation. "That must have been quite the experience. Well, I'm... glad you're not dead. You're not ascended anymore, though? You seem and act human enough, at least. You have your body back, after you reached a higher existence, or are you still... Sorry, no offense," Julian adds. "It's really none of my business, but it isn't everyday someone comes back from the dead."

[peacefulexplorer]

"No, it's, it's fine," he laughs. He has to laugh. There are so few ways one can deal with their own anomalous mortality, so he settles for self-mockery and apologies and an offhandedness that belies the reality of the fact that he can no longer remember how many times he's died, slowly and painfully and in a myriad of terrible ways, because it's simply easier.

"No, I, I got, um. De-scended, I guess is the word for it. Twice, actually. Well, I died more often than - you know, it's, uh, I'm sorry. It's kind of a lot, I know."

[julianbashir]

"'Fine' seems relative, but I suppose I can only take your word for it and you're not just being polite about the fact that I'm asking you, whom I met not all that long ago, all sorts of personal questions about things that are not all that pleasant." Julian muses. He does that, pries. He's been told that before. Sometimes his curiosity, his need to understand, makes his a bit callous.

Julian shakes his head and smiles. "Don't be sorry, I asked, didn't I? And it's not too much. It's not something I've heard before, granted, but I'm somewhat used to strange. It sounds a bit complicated though. Ascending, descending. Do you retain anything from these experiences? The memories, or at least any benefits for all your trouble?"

[peacefulexplorer]

"Nothing too concrete, unfortunately." The technical aspect, at least, is a more conversationally acceptable topic, and it's nice to have cleared the hurdle of oh and by the way I have a habit of dying quite a lot. The curiosity is mutual, or would be if their positions were reversed, and even Daniel Jackson's legendary sympathy has too often been trounced by his own insatiable spirit of inquiry.

'Trouble' would be putting it mildly. The slow dissolution of his body while his internal organs bled out of his disintegrating pores is an experience that remains, unfortunately, stubbornly seared into his skull. At least the second death prior to Ascension had been a matter of quicker, marginally less painful bleeding-out.

"Not the first time, anyway. The second time I had to descend on my own, so I retained more memories. Not enough for anything solid - all that knowledge of the universe is locked away in my subconscious somewhere, I just can't access it. But I do have some...senses, perceptions of things I might not have otherwise. It's how I saw Lucifer for what he was before he admitted it."

[julianbashir]

"Knowledge of the universe..." Julian seems floored by this idea, fingers tapping out unknown patterns on the side of his thigh. "I suppose it would have to be locked away, wouldn't you say? I wouldn't think that, no matter how brilliant you might be, that the human brain is able to handle that sort of thing. One would think it would simply burn the brain up." Julian says in a way that suggests that he is willing to dedicate the next six months thinking about this and possibly writing up numerous different theories on if Daniel is in any danger should he manage to access this knowledge. Agamede nips at his fingers none to gently. "Jules, stop before he decides you're better of being fed to that thing out there." Julian nods. "I... I in no way mean to trivialize your experiences." He can't imagine that dying, ascending, being put back in your body, and then doing it all over again is in any way something that any person should have to deal with. He wonders how Daniel could even keep his sanity. "It is the kidn of remarkable in the sense that I have not actually had to experience it myself and can't say I would survive it if I had. But I can't deny that the fact that you have some sort of residual extra sense is remarkable. Could save your life one day," he adds. "Which... I realize might be a futile thing to say to someone who has already died more than once."

[peacefulexplorer]

"That's one of the reasons the Others buried those memories," Daniel agrees with a regretful nod. Julian's excitement over the prospect honestly reminds him of the reason he agreed to Ascension in the first place, even if the memory of that promise rings more bitterly now. "And it's why I had to leave my body behind, even if I hadn't been dying at the time. Human physiology just...can't contain it all. Maybe it was worth it, for all that knowledge of, of everything. But I don't remember."

He tries for another smile but it just comes out pained, a twisting grimace on one side of his mouth, and he has to look away. Aliyah makes a low, sympathetic rumble and flops down to drop her head on his lap. He absently unbends his knees and stretches his legs out to accommodate her. Julian's addressing of the whole thing, mildly clinical and strictly third-party in his outlook, helps, if only slightly. It achieves that scientific distance that Daniel himself no longer has access to.

"Saved my life a few times. Made me a target in others." And darkened him, perhaps irreversibly, to know that the godlike beings he once revered for their potential power and knowledge were content to watch entire galaxies wither under oppressive megalomaniacal cosmic reshaping, simply because they thought themselves above the act of physical interference.

[julianbashir]

"Maybe it was," Julian agrees quietly. "Or perhaps it wasn't. I imagine that you didn't get much choice in the end about most of any of it." Which to Julian is the worst part, to not have control over something this important. Perhaps Daniel would have kept the knowledge, or preferred to stay ascended, or to stay dead. Or simply to stay alive in the first place. "I've been trapped in my mind before, had my body used against my friends, against the safety of the people around me. Sometimes I wonder if I had been given a choice, if I would have kept the memories of the things I did or not. Sometimes I'm not even sure there's a right answer to that."

Julian is quiet for a few moments, aware of Daniel's presence nearby, still little more than a shape in the darkness, and of Agamede's more tugging presence in his lap. He can hear in Daniel's voice that unnamed emotion when someone speaks about something that is too much a reality for them.

"I'm sorry," he says, realizing he's said this before, but he does mean it. "I can't imagine this is something you like to rehash over and over again. I do that sometimes, and it's not the best of habits. When I can't understand something or why something had to happen, I take it apart from the inside out, even if it might be the worst possible thing for me to do. I do it to myself," he adds with a humorless chuckle. "There's always that question of why, though. What could I have done to save this person? What equipment could I have had that might have helped me find a cure for this population before I was too late? What could I have done that would have made me less of a target for this attack?" How many research projects did Julian have still active, projects that didn't even mean anything anymore, research for people that couldn't be saved anymore? More than was probably healthy. But there were also the times he'd had to make decisions about those who didn't want to be saved.

((I lost this post about six hundred times. It's a mess. Arg.))

[peacefulexplorer]

The smile becomes a little less forced and a little more definable as a 'smile', but it only grows even more pained. The words all ring a little too true to home. And they ring far too true to when he was approached with the offer of Ascension the first time, how Daniel couldn't imagine why anyone would think he could be worthy for something like that.

He falls silent, lets the two of them wrestle their existential demons for a moment. He's gathered that they're both of them people who have built themselves around who they can help, what civilizations they can save. Peaceful, largely, and trying to build peace in galaxies where that was simply not in their nature. And when the galaxy or universe at large are to blame for things like that, it's only too easy to take all the guilt and possess it into themselves, internalize it, feel responsible for what they may not have been able to prevent either way, and steep themselves in self-blame because it only seems fair.

"We muddle our way through," he says finally, looking down at Aliyah as he strokes her, softly, requires something to do with his hands to grind away the knotted anxiety. "And if there's...anything I do remember from when I was Ascended, it's that we can't judge ourselves on a criteria of success versus failure. If we judge ourselves at all, we do it by the strength of our conviction and, and how we chose to face the things we couldn't possibly win against every time, regardless of whether or not we failed."

[julianbashir]

Ah, yes. Failure. Julian has a long, complicated relationship with failure. When it comes to his job, the idea of failure feels like a non-option, but also in the face of it Julian comes completely undone, losing all of his (extremely overblown, Miles you say with a smile) confidence. But it is more than that. Julian is who he is because of failure. Or who he isn't. Had his parents not found him failing, wanting, then they wouldn't have had he remade, changed him from his fundamental core, changing who he was on the most basic biological levels . The mind of Jules Bashir would still be alive inhabiting this body (albeit a lesser body), and Julian Bashir, doctor, Starfleet officer, wouldn't even exist. Julian wonders on a daily basis if that wasn't the wrong choice, but he is who he is and it's too late to go back in time. But even though he is stuck in a dream world with a person he will most likely never see again, this is a secret that he has spent 20 years keeping a secret. Speaking it out loud now would seem like breaking a spell.

"Easier said than done," Julian muses after a moment of silence with a humorless chuckle. "What's the ancient saying? 'We are our own worst critic?'" He glances over at Daniel. "Not sure I can say this to someone I met all of a few hours ago, but you seem to have more strength of conviction than nearly anyone I've met. You seem to be doing much more than simply muddling your way through, though I'm sure you can't see that. We rarely can."

"Well," Julian says suddenly, almost brightly, slapping his hands on his knees. Enough of that then. "Here I am, stuck in a dream world being hunted by something dangerous that wants to eat or possibly murder me, and not helping either of us by making you relive experiences that can't possibly be pleasant in any way. I am, it turns out, not very good in these situations. Should we run again or continue stay hidden? Can one even fight a possibly horrific mystical dream creature? I have no with to die here, even if it does end up with waking up. Do you have any ideas? Because I'm clear out, and you have much more experience with strange worlds and dangerous situations."

[peacefulexplorer]

That was it, the strength of his conviction that had allegedly allowed Daniel the capability to Ascend with the Others' help, accepting he was worthy, opening himself to the fact that his own failings were not all that he wad done, that all the times he had tried and labored and negotiated without result were not the sum of who he was. Julian means well, he knows it, but despite the Ancients' confirmation - or perhaps because of it - Daniel knows he is beyond simply accepting that he is worthy of much of anything.

He says nothing about any of it. The technicalities of their situation are more important, and less densely complicated than philosophical discussions about success, failure, and the hypothetical weight of the human soul.

"I don't know," Daniel says truthfully. "We can go further in, maybe, see if anything comes of it. It's...entirely possible that there's nothing after us at all, just a, a dream-specific emotional response to the setting."

[julianbashir]

"Ah, a theory I certainly hadn't considered. I suppose that is entirely plausible. In fact, even very likely possible. But allow me to retain my distinct terror at whatever it is, real or emotional response, all the same," Julian says with a wink that Daniel most likely can't see. Julian groans as he stands up, legs sore and stiff,

"Going deeper in certainly sounds just as awful as going back out and staying in place, but at least then I feel like I'm *doing* something constructive. Shall we?" He offers a hand up to Daniel.

[peacefulexplorer]

He accepts the hand and uses the weight to lever himself to his feet, Aliyah having retreated so he could do so. He understands the need to move, to work towards a goal no matter how illusory. It helps him think, rationalize, stay calm.

"We're gonna have to watch our step," Daniel cautions, dusting himself off and peering without much result into the semidarkness. "Aliyah can see well enough to let us know if we're about to walk into or off of anything but we won't get much warning."

[julianbashir]

Once Daniel is up, he lets go and takes in a deep breath. Agamede's oversized ears flick up. "I can't see quite that well, but I can hear things far better than Julian," she says, and all Julian can tell her is, "Just stick nearby, don't go too far ahead." He doesn't know the rules, really, but even he can feel the tug deep in his chest as Agamede moves away from him.

"I suppose it'll have to do," Julian muses, reaching out in front of him. It's already nearly impossible to see, and he figures if they go farther back, he will most likely lose sight of everything. EVen with enhanced eyesight he hardly has any sort of night-vision. But again, taking action feels at least... useful, somehow. "I'd say good luck to us both, but that doesn't sound particularly as optimistic as it did at first thought," Julian says with a light tone he doesn't exactly feel.

[peacefulexplorer]

"Well, if it's any consolation," says Daniel, full well knowing that it's hardly any consolation at all, "if we die the worst that happens is we wake up."

Aliyah butts him on the knees, just hard enough to make him wobble and he bites his lip, immediately contrite. Morbid humor's easier when one's died a half dozen times and a dozen more in dreams.

Wordless, he stretches one hand out to feel against the cave wall, smooth and cool and disconcertingly solid, and uses that as his guide in the dark. A few steps forward at a time, then a few more. Aliyah moves a half step in front of him, wary and tail swishing.

[julianbashir]

"I suppose it somewhat comforting," Julian agrees with a chuckle, because of course dying and being able to wake up alive is certainly better than the alternative of staying dead. Julian has never actually died and come back to life. He's been revived from near death, or found alive when everyone thought he was dead, but never actually resurrected.

"But this fact doesn't make me any less keen on experiencing it. So for now, I'll do my best to stay alive." Julian isn't sure how much his best is worth, but it's dark and he can see Daniel even less than he could a minute ago. He can still see Agamede, but even more so, sense her... feel her nearby, like a tug on his heart. It's somewhat reassuring, knowing that at the very least he can't lose her completely no matter how dark it gets.